All of life can be divided into two categories:
the ends we’re working towards, and
the means we choose to use to get there.
Most of our lives, we’re busy with the means towards some end:
working in order to make a living,
sleeping so we can have energy to go back to work,
working out in order to be healthy.
The problem is that those “ends” are not ends unto themselves, but means towards some elusive ultimate goal we’re living for:
we need money to live, but when do we live the moments we’re actually living for?
we need to be rested to go back to work, but do we have a clear sense of what we’re really getting out of bed for?
we all want to be healthy to lead happy, healthy lives, but if happiness and health are our most valuable currencies, where do we get to spend them?
The blurriness of our goals makes it easy to confuse our means and ends.
Another way to look at it:
Our lives are like fruit trees, where the fruit are the ends, and the trunk, branches and leaves are the means.
In the long journey from dirt to fruit, we can lose sight of what we’re growing towards.
On the banks of the Jordan river, at the gates of the Promised Land, the tribes of Reuven and Gad saw that they would be able to amass a lot more wealth through cattle-farming in present-day Jordan than they would in what they imagined would become an overcrowded Land of Israel. They asked if they could settle where they were rather than cross the Jordan with everyone else.
This was not as self-serving as it might seem. When Moshe sharply pointed out to them that this decision would demoralize their brethren, the men of these two tribes agreed not only to fight with the rest of Israel, but committed to stay there to help get everyone settled.
They did end up staying. For seven years, they remained in Israel, over a hundred miles away from their families. They proved the purity of their intent as much as anyone could. The tribes of Reuven and Gad weren’t just thinking of themselves, and we have good reason to believe that the money they would make in those Jordanian pastures would be spent for the good of their families and their community at large.
But even when we pursue physical means for the sake of idealistic ends, we are vulnerable to means-ends confusion.
When the means become infused with the ends that they are meant to achieve — as they should — they still run the risk of imperceptibly becoming ends unto themselves.
We work so hard for the sake of our families, but without noticing, we can easily end up working for the sake of…working.
When representatives of Reuven and Gad suggested to Moshe that they should be allowed to stay long enough to "build pens for [their] flock and cattle, and cities for [their] children," they put the means (the cattle) before the end (their children).
Moshe responded with subtle rebuke by rearranging the priorities where they belonged:
and
They got the memo and responded by switching back their priorities — at least verbally:
"our children and wives, and our livestock and all of our animals will remain there in the cities of Gilaad [and we will join our brothers in arms]."
It turned out that this clarity they verbalized didn’t run deep enough in their hearts and minds. A few centuries later, Moshe's intuitions about their mixed-up priorities proved correct — the tribes of Reuven and Gad tripped over their own wealth, and were the first to be exiled by the Assyrian armies.
I don't need to tell you. Life is complicated. This may be the biggest reason why. The ends get lost in the means even with the best of intentions.
Even high ideals — even good intentions to help others — can become self-serving if our goals are not crystal clear. The pursuit of "success" may start off transparent with clear goals on the other side, but over time it can become an opaque end unto itself. The point of this isn’t fear-mongering, but rather motivation to incorporate into our daily practice conscientious intention-setting to crystalize and fortify what we’re working towards.
Hashem should give us clarity in our ideals and practice to keep our priorities in focus as we set out and follow through in a life of achievement for the greater good of our families and communities at large.